Tit bit

I write this between classes,  I have nothing better to do,
Watching others be happy as I try sort out my story..
Does everyone have a story?
I bet they do..
But none is as mine..
I'm different Hope my difference doesn't stink..
Then I'll be judged..
Here's the lecturer ciao

Kk

love song for the lonely

i love love songs
but i don't have any
maybe am just pessimistic
but i think id want it

no lover for sour old me
too salty to be sweet
too bitter to contain any
maybe i wasn't built to love

to see others enjoy it
while i cant
almost breaks me apart
maybe i should be patient

go back to whence you came from
ooh poor old loneliness
imma do me and not care
only if i could, sadly i cant

ill just stay cold
i cant run to any warmth
warmth runs at my sight
so maybe am destined for the dark corners
alone because there are not two of my kind

the truth must hurt but it is still the truth
that is my sad reality
cupid refuses to look my side
and his arrows bounce off my heart of stone
so ill remain alone not look out for cupid,
live on bread alone live for bread alone

-kk

mutants, aliens and monsters

mutants, aliens and monsters,
i have seen these creatures,
they are the worst of villains,
creatures without a heart,
only intent to kill and destroy.

but no super hero was at sight,
only supporters and by standers,
watching as the men were killed,
or joining themselves in the bloodbath,

the dilemma is that justice is injustice,
you cant correct evil with evil disguised as good,
or is it in our nature to be evil, can we not avoid it
are we a race of monsters? is it in our DNA?
history and present seem to agree on this.

comparing monsters to animals is unfair,
what animal could kill 100,000 of its kind?
we are not animals, we don't belong here,
we are nothing like earth dwellers, we must be the aliens,
they say there is good in this world, but are we the good?
then are we not of this world?

did our superior intelligence become our own downfall?
and where did we get this "superior intelligence"?
from a superior being? or from evolution, i wish i knew
because it ruined us, destroyed our future, it doomed us.

if its evolution,
then in a few years time we will destroy ourselves,
and everything on this good earth,
if we chose to blame Darwin,
then we are nothing more than a ticking time "hydrogen bomb".

if its a superior being then we have a lot of questions,
one may say but there is a choice,
chose to be the good or the bad
is the choice that i do wrong now, or later??
only the ugly exist
one can never avoid evil, its in our bones, our blood, we are the embodiment of evil,
if its a superior being then what is the end game??
are we part of a bigger picture, a bigger maleficent picture?

because,
i can see the future,
i can see it clearly its in broad daylight,
our future is inside us, like us it is dark with no promise,
soon it will be so clear that even the blind could see it,
our own end is at hand, and sadly we cannot avoid it


                                kk
                                4/9/14

hate

is hate a good motivator?
does hate move the world?
does hate change the world?
i believe so,
it is stronger than love,
love is a human necessity
lack therefore of it
necessitates motivation
motivation to more hate, more dislike
change or DIE is Darwinian
therefore negative stimuli due to
rejection, hate or prejudice
leads to a drastic change
but
a more necessary need is the need to be accepted.
the heart will go where its accepted,
where its original need to be fulfilled,
acceptance moves the heart on.
these things i say not because
i wish to change the situation
it simply cannot be changed,
i say them because they have to be said

-kk
14/11/14

change

        change

i feel like my perfect life bubble will burst soon,
im not saying i have a perfect life,
rather a comftable one,
the clock is ticking and what this assures me is times will change
but will i be ready for it?
i realy fear the unknown, and fear is a great motivator,
but somethings in life you have no say over some things,
no matter how motivated you are theyll always sweep you off your feet,
as i grow older i see things happening,
not neccesarily good things.
they happen to everyone, the blind will hear them, the deaf will see them.
to percieve them does not require any nervous organ rather the mythical heart.
and if you were born without one your probably dead.
these changes affect the heart, they wound it, injure it,
a scar?? well depends if you ever recover.
but one thing is for sure you will never be the same again.
so i envy the children, as they play,sing and dance,
i see in them fragile new hearts, maybe thats the so called innocence.
they remind me of my best times, when i was a toddler
ohh those were the days, the sea was calm
and the wind brushed every coconut tree
it was ever sunny and carribean tunes were in everybodies ears.
but now the calm sea is in trouble of overhead storms
my boat, it is my heart, the waves may crush it, or at least theyll try
but with my will i will repair and patch it up, soar on aking "is that all you got?".
till i see the shores of natural death,
marking the end of my voyage.
then will i throw the oars and swim to my timely end
but for now, the shore is faar far away
now i must suit up, i must prepare for war,
for the storms of change are comming,
no one is ever ready, nor will i ever be.
but i am ready for waves, the thunder, the lightning.
i cannot see over the towering waves
but i carry my hope, my only weapon.
my hope tells of good things ahead.
change for a merry sea fearer wont be easy,
but i am here to tame these waters, brave the hurricanes.
unless i let the water takes my God given boat,
i have every right to navigate on.
and so should every one else.

                        kk
                        11/10/2014

my tommorows

one thing in this world i couldnt know
the future it is mystic
i mean who knows what tommorow holds
maybe meeting the person of your dreams
buliding your own home
getting your first kids
getting your first car
travelling abroad
new expiriences
pain, sorrow, death

i realy dont know what tommorow holds
but for much of my short life tommorows have been happy
and God deserves all the praise for that

i only hope my tommorows continue to be happy,
full of love, music and light
i hope to achieve my dreams,
ones i had from a tender age,
be the man i was ment to be,
achieve what i came here to do,
my conviction, my dreams for humanity,
i hope that i overcome todays challanges
meet new ones and trod on forever foward

i dont know how long i will live,
only God knows that,
but it doesnt matter,
when i die i want to be smilling,
knowing that i left a mark on the world,
a mark that changed lives.

but now am young,
the years ahead look like a meandering stream,
i look from a high hill hoping to see where it leads,
but i cannot, and i dont want to know,
because the journey, the adventure is why i stand here,
it is the only reason the stream flows,
so i will pull my shuka tighten my akala sandle,
i pull my oar and paddle on on the mystic stream
i know there will be cataracts, tribitaries joining,
there will be rapids, and places of calm, heck even waterfalls,
there will be passangers on the stream
they will baord and eventually alight,
but my will will not falter, my light shall not die
i will be strong stand firm and move steadily on,
and when i reach the delta, i will look back
smile and let my boat into the vast sea.

                           - kk
                            10/09/2014

If they ask you why tell them I refused to live on hope alone

If they ask you why tell them I refused to live on hope alone,

Hope of a girlfriend yet I don’t own a Mercedes,

I was a fool to think I could satisfy a girl like that,

All I had was the black mamba my brother left me when he became a tout,

I was a fool to think I would ride her on its “leather seats” to my favourite goat head soup place.

So after she got off her taxi after a night with her new European boy I decided if my mouth could not woe her maybe I could persuade her with the snake I hid under my belt.

From all the porn I had watched I knew I had all the supporting documents, I double-checked just to be sure.

Then I made my move, grabbed her then did what I had to do. She let out a few moans and screams but I was sure she would never go back to him,, after all she kept on screaming “goma” ,,

I zipped up and rode my mamba to a good night sleep.

**********

As I burnt in the tire I could not help but feel like the devil, with all the smoke around me it was like the real devil was kissing my ass.

Rocks upon rocks whip upon whip, they killed me for exercising my right, just because she was hotter than the village girls, and she had a college degree I wasn’t allowed to “rape” her? Only graduates or wealthy politicians are allowed to after a few days of shopping and expensive meals?

Isn’t that prostitution? Which is also illegal? But in society, the sentence was inversely proportional to the size of your wallet. Funny enough the rich man did not throw a rock, he only provided the tire, after all none of the stone throwers could even afford one for their kids to play with, but they,  my neighbours and colleagues, my fellow boda boda operators, who we suffered day in day out, drank “chang’aa” every end month at mama pimas, they that would warn me if the police came on patrol, they  threw the rocks, it was like they were yelling “how stupid could you get? Raping a rich girl? Could you not marry a village girl like I did? Were you not satisfied with what God gave you?” I was paying the ultimate price for defying the ultimate law: “do not cross the rich man”!!  It sounded similar to the colonial rule of “do not cross the white man!”  Only that nowadays, from experience it’s the money that bleaches you white.

I had refused to live on hope alone, I was not satisfied by a mere village girl, I wanted more, but the harder I tried the more she drifted away from me. After all, aren’t we are all human, born equal? I heard that in a song, when growing up, my mom used to say it was written by a mad man that was possessed by evil spirits who do not want to accept their place in society but my dad said every man made his place in society. I knew I wasn’t going to make mine with class 8 education and a boda boda, so I took mine, grabbed the bull by its horns.  Little did I know that hope was my life in this den of wolves.

But the truth is I hoped till I was 37, I was still single, but the moment I stopped hopping and started acting, hope took me by the neck and hang me. I could no longer live, no not like that, on that lie hope, it was a drug whose withdrawal caused death. As my kin buried me, they wrote on the wooden cross “beloved brother and son”, 37 years of my life and that’s all my eulogy wrote. Hope was not taking me anywhere, I refused to live on it alone, and that’s what they should have written.

 -kk

the geko

I once cut off a tail from a house gecko, nasty little thing wriggled for some time then stopped. I could have screamed, it was allowed I was a little boy after all. But the most shocking thing is that it grew right back after some time. Amazing right? Lucky enough I wasn’t daft as a child, if I was I could have cut off my own finger hoping it would grow back.

But thinking of how he grew back his tail makes me think of a possibility of correcting the wrongs I did in the past, like I’d just cut off the old tail and grow a new one. But it’s not that easy is it? It’s a bit more complex than that. For starters we are not reptiles: we are human beings, warm blooded.

My interpretation of this is that we have feelings and these feelings eternally hold us to our metaphorical tails. These feelings are like a storage space for the past, we remember how certain experiences made us feel and sort of re-live the moment. How an extra marital affair reminds us of young love, mischief and fresh sexual desire. We cannot avoid misdoings like those because feelings are addictive, we want to relive them, create new ones, and we cannot just get enough. But the gecko does not hold on to the past like a druggie to a Vail of opium, he can thus shed his tail if need be.

Fact 2: a gecko CAN grow a new tail if need be, whilst we can never really get to re-experience. After all it’s said you only live once. Get it right the first time because you’ll never get to try again. Take for example, a girl losing her virginity, she can only do it once because unlike the gecko she can’t grow back a hymen after losing it to her own father. Experiences weather good or bad are one of a kind, the rest are just similar. We can never re-experience in exactly the same way, no matter how hard we try.

Geckos have tails, human beings don’t. Geckos usually shed their tails when in danger, survival instinct built upon years and years of evolution. But evolution did not prepare us in any way for mental toughness required in the modern world. We don’t have media that we can easily let go of when threatened, all we do is take pounding after pounding after pounding. We usually don’t have an option. A raped girl does not leave her feelings of hate, anger, violation and vengeance with her perpetrator but she carries them, like a scar if you like, visible to every naked eye or masked behind layers of make-up applied carefully by well-trained shrinks. We can’t let go of our pasts, our wrongs no matter how much we try to forgive and forget.

The human mind is complex, we may never understand it but what we know is we can never let go of the past just accept that we are now a tail-less gecko. And look forward to the future, dwelling on our pasts will not give us the tail we so crave.

-kk

help is on the way

im listening to rise against's help is on the way.
makes me think is my help really on the way?
or did it already get here and i turned it down.
sometimes we get motivation and inspiration to move on, to change from places we never expected.
thats the help we needed.
but sometimes we realy need to ask for it.
swallow your pride and ask
its important though to remember that
at all times help will only be of use to us once we admit we are in need of it.
when you hit that wall that no booze, no drug can get you over,
that point when you cant stand the tears any more: yours, your kid's or your loved ones.
that moment when all bible verses make no sense.
then there the divine manifests in a fellow human being.
accept help when its offered, that shoulder to lean on may end up being the only shoulder you find,
so take it.
we are all human so also learn to give a shoulder every now and then, you never know when you might need one


-kk
24/11/14

intro

i dont do tech reviews, fashion reviews, celeb gossip. not that am above that , i just think that market is over crowded.
i also dont do formatting , i dont expect alot of views, if i only had 5 id be very happy.
these are just my thoughts, thought they'd be nice to share if you are not interested please leave.
"everyone is going crazy these days its like the end of the world"
lets see how crazy they are, and if its the end of the world

with that said, feel free to comment like and share, if you are like minded im here for you ;-)